Starting my fitness journey all over again

Growing up I've always been relatively small in weight to the point my dad would always tell me that i need to eat more and my mom would say I don't eat because I'm trying to stay "sexy". My parents are from Haiti by the way. If you know then you know. In their culture being a skinny was a bad thing. I never really thought about my weight being an issue to me because I thought I looked okay. I was in my teenage years and I was very active as far as physical exercise. Some might say I had an athlete build. I was ranging from anywhere to 135 lbs to 145 lbs, I always wore a size small in shirts and a size 4 or 6 in pants. 

My weight never went past that range until I turned 19 when I started eating more because I was introduced to a different palette. For the first time every my weight went up to 165 lbs I was happy being in that range because my clothes fit differently. I was filling out the gaps that I previously had. I started wearing Mediums in shirts and could wear pants in size 8 to a size 10. I was comfortable. I had no issue with the size I was. I was right in the middle. I wasn't to small and I wasn't to big  ( I don't have pictures for that sorry). But then when I turn 20 years old I got pregnant. 

During my pregnancy, I packed on a lot of weight which didn't make sense to me because I wasn't eating any different then what I was before. My doctor told me that I needed to slow down because it would be harder for me to lose the weight after I gave birth. I should've listen. I didn't have any nausea or aversions to any food. I was doing fine. I think most of the weight I gained was water weight. I wasn't drinking a lot of water during my pregnancy and from my understanding, while your pregnant if you are not drinking enough water, your body will hold onto water whenever you decided to drink it to keep the your body hydrated. Silly me just wanted soda and rice crispy treats. The SUGAR is what got me. And come to think of it, it makes a lot of sense now why my daughter always wants candy. Not to sure if theres a correlation but it makes sense to me. By the end of my pregnancy i weighed 221 lbs.  

On February, 1st 2018 at 3:10am i gave birth to my daughter Sage Nevaeh Carr. She was 7 lbs at the time of birth. In my head I thought "only 7 lbs, she felt heavier in my stomach". After she was born about a week later i had my first doctors appointment and at that appointment I weighed 211 lbs. I only lost 10 lbs within that week and was told the rest should come off in a couple of weeks. You're suppose to gain about 30 to 35 lbs while you're pregnant.  I gained a total of 56lbs. Over the course of the nest few months I became depressed. I never gain so much weight in my life. I didn't know what to do or how to even start to lose the weight. I am the type of person that enjoys moving around and being active. Becoming a mom didn't really allow me to do that. I wanted to go outside go back to work make some money but it wasn't that easy. I applied for countless jobs and interviews and heard nothing back. I started to think it was my appearance and became very self conscious. My dad would tell me that I need to lose the weight because he didn't want me to have any health problems like he did. I understood but it made me even more self conscious.

Finally , In January 2019 I got a job offer to work at a personal shopper for Foodkick. i was happy because I was going to be able to move around and get out of the house. My very first day i worked a total of nine hours and everyday from there I was working 10 hour shifts, 4 days a week. I was happy that it was making money but it was very exhausting. In the time of me working there I began losing a lot of weight due to pushing heavy carts full of groceries for 10 hours a day. I started feeling a lot better because i was able to fit into my old clothes again. I went from wearing a size 12-14 in pants back to a size 10! I still had some more weight to lose but i was able to fit my pants without it feeling like it was too tight. I managed to keep losing the weight until 2020 happened.

In the beginning of 2020 i made it to weight that i was really happy with. I loved how my clothes fit and began to feel more confident. Over the first half of 2020 i was eating better cooking and maintaining my weight until July 2020. I began losing too much weight due to stress in my relationship. At the time there was a lot going on. When I become stressed out I lose my appetite thus resulting in weight-loss. "Here we go again I thought". My parents were going to judge me again and I also hated that i was becoming so small. I was back to the size I was when I was in highschool. I took a step back from my relationship so I could try and get myself back and it was working for a little while. When things in my relationship were starting to get a little better I began gaining weight again but guess who snuck back in the picture to take control , SUGAR ! I started eating a lot of sugary snacks because it helped make me feel "better". Also, because since i stayed in the house most of the time I was snacking a lot. By December of 2020 I gained all the weight I worked so hard to lose. All i wear is sweatpants now and I refuse to buy a new wardrobe to accommodate the size I am now. I told myself that this time I'm going to to everything I have to do to lose this weight. I have purchased weights , endless cases of water, I even purchased vegan items. I must say the black bean chipotle burger from costco , 10 out of 10 would recommend ! It bothers me that I gained all this weight again but this is my opportunity to get in shape the way I wanted and gaining some muscle. I hope this motivates someone and is able to see that no matter how many times you fall just get up and push yourself harder than you did the last time.